Planning a family and birthing a baby are often accompanied by feelings of great excitement, happiness and joy. Yet, becoming a parent or welcoming subsequent children into your family can also be a time of significant adjustment. Coping with this adjustment can be extremely difficult, and it may affect your mood, thoughts and interactions with others.
Having a baby can be stressful!
Although you may not like to think of it this way, having a baby can be very stressful. Afterall, your baby is depending on you to take care of them! There are many things to consider, such as feeding, settling, sleeping, crying, nappy changes, bathing, immunisations, health checkups, illness, teething, developmental milestones…the list goes on. Your ability to take care of yourself as well as your baby tends to plummet. All of the coping strategies you previously relied on in times of stress no longer seem available or as easy to achieve. Focusing on self-care and looking after yourself can be even more difficult when you may be recovering from a traumatic pregnancy and/or birth, have an unwell baby, have breastfeeding challenges, are sleep deprived, have relationship stress and have a lack of family or social support.
Did you imagine that parenting would be different?
Parents can also struggle in adjusting to parenthood because the parenting experience they had imagined is in stark contrast to the parenting experience that they are living. The life you had before you had a baby can feel like it has vanished, and you may feel like you are starting to question your identity and feel lost. This all impacts how you feel about yourself, your ability to self-regulate your emotions, how you interact with loved ones and especially how you respond to your infant. You may even find yourself thinking about your own childhood experiences and how you were parented and sometimes this can stir up some uncomfortable emotions.
How do I know if I’m having adjustment difficulties?
Adjustment difficulties may make you feel anxious, low in mood, and very stressed. You may notice tendencies of wanting to be in control, not wanting to socialise and experience feelings of anger or rage. Your responses may be viewed by others as out of proportion to the intensity of what is going on, and you may experience difficulties in your every-day functioning. These symptoms usually appear within the first 3 months after a significant stressor.
We are here to help
At Restored Wellbeing, our perinatal therapists can help you with your adjustment to parenthood. If you are experiencing adjustment difficulties, know that this is not how parenthood will always be. Your symptoms are treatable, and we can help you feel better. Adjustment difficulties in parents are common, and you are not alone. Book in with one of our perinatal therapists today.
- Dr Janine Oostenbroek, Perinatal Psychologist